back when I was sane...

This pregnancy isn’t really shaping up to be anything like Lily’s. Physically I’m hitting the same milestones at about the same time, but emotionally it’s so different. I am angry a lot of the time; frustrated; over tired; just not a nice person. I’m mad at my husband, for NO reason… or at least, for invented ones. I feel emotionally unhinged, like I don’t know what overwhelming feeling will chose to pour out of me at any given moment; letting laughter turn into tears or a burst of unreasonable anger. It’s NUTS! I know it’s hormonal and I need to just slow down and give myself space to live in it, but it’s exhausting. I actually asked him last night if he was planning to leave this insane wife of his. I said, “No wonder men leave their wives when pregnant.” And he replied with, “yep” and a great round of laughter and hugs, snuggling up to me as I sobbed and laughed all at the same time. Mark says it must be a boy to be giving me so much trouble!

There are a ton of environmental changes for me this time around: I’m working full time, nursing a toddler, living in a new home (that has it’s issues), Mark is at home full time but still trying to take gigs and carpentry jobs here and there, etc, etc. These items alone (and not the gender of our baby) could be providing the emotional challenges I’m experiencing. To be fair, I do know that I could be a LOT more insane than I feel right now. The actual outbursts are few and far between and mostly aimed at my poor husband, meaning I’m able to keep my sanity in polite company. I never had to deal with any serious depression or emotional instability post Lily’s birth, so maybe this is my “payback.” OR, maybe Mark is right and this, my dear, is a boy growing inside me. Only 26 weeks before we find out!