More Secrets

Sports: I quit playing soccer the same day I got my first period. Now that was weak. I was never much of a jock, being only moderately useful on the field, but always enjoyed kicking or hitting the crap out of something. I didn’t want to play the sport, mind you. Just wanted to wail on something. Badminton made me delirious: you could hit that birdie SO hard and it would just sail through the air beautifully, but wouldn't go far enough that you had to chase it down. You find one other kid that likes to whack the crap outta something and you're good. Can't find another kid? How about going to the handball court with a tennis racket and ball and whacking the crap outta that? It's brilliant, that is. I also enjoyed kicking the soccer ball up as high and far as possible, but then I had to chase it. I always wanted to be invited to the batting cages, but alas, nobody has ever asked me. And somehow, I never told anyone I wanted to do this. So I have never been. I think I might really enjoy it.

But back to my original point. I believed that once I was "a woman", I could no longer be the tomboy I had always been. I quit playing soccer that freaking day, and that is embarrassing. How did I get that idea? I have a degree in Women's Studies and the whole time I was in school I hid that little fact, fearing I'd be put out on the quad and admonished for being such a... girl!

This freaks me out now because I am raising a daughter. If my mom couldn't keep that correlation out of my brain, how can I keep it from Lily? It seems so impossible to rear children sometimes... like walking through a mine-field.

OH and kids come without a manual and they can't even form complete sentences for the first couple of years. Who thought that up?

OK, overloading here on the hugeness of being a parent. Will chill out.

Chilling.

Honestly.

Goodnight.