Guess what I found in my living room today? A freaking centipede! I nudged it into the middle of the room with the remote control, took a shoe and pressed down as hard as I could AND IT JUST KEPT GOING. So then I smacked the crap out of it with said shoe… it lived. My MIL was not thrilled and between the two of us we captured the wounded creature in a jar and I had the pleasure of looking at it up close. Nasty looking little thing. Oh and most of the stuff I read about them says they are about an inch and a half long. Um, NOPE. This bad boy was at least four inches. I’m going to save it to show Mark when he gets home on Wednesday but doubt it will live that long. I don’t know how it got into my living room and am totally freaked out that it was here at all and yet, have always been oddly fascinated by such things. Do you have any idea how fast those things move? It was wild. And it’s got this wicked looking tail at the back end and pinchers up front that apparently cause quite a bit of pain and swelling. I’m glad Lily was already asleep.
Guess what else I found in my house today: a rabbit’s foot. Nope, not the variety you find in a cheap store that you rub for good luck. We’re talking a full foot… with tendons and red bloody muscle attached. I stopped in my tracks and went, “oh.” MIL was terrified of the centipede but somehow, bits of bunny did not cause her pause. She took care of it for me as I was trying to keep my lunch down and then went out to the yard and found the head and some other random parts. Maya was very proud of herself and was just waiting for me to tell her what a good dog she was for catching such a creature, killing it, eating about 80% of it and then bringing me proof. I’m a bad pet mom and haven’t congratulated her yet.
Someone want to tell me why this kind of excitement is reserved for when Mark is out of town and my MIL is visiting? She must think we live very interesting lives. And for the record, the rabbit bits happened first but I was so excited about the centipede that I didn’t blog ‘till that happened. The rabbit still makes me just a little nauseated. And just so I don’t forget the rabbit incident, the dog has the most wickedly awful farts to remember it by. Bonus! It’s gonna be fun sleeping in my room tonight!
Other bits of fun from today:
Lily had a repeat of the freak out from yesterday and I got to watch this time. I started singing the three verses of “Hush Little Baby…” I actually know (is there a verse mentioning the "five-and-dime" or am I on crack?) and that finally calmed her down. I also broke out the rescue remedy and am hoping that helped. Putting her to bed was also a triumph of song. She was freaking out (like she does every night, Pinky) because she didn’t want to go to bed, so I started singing some random made up bit over and over again. She let me put her in her crib and leave the room singing and didn’t make a peep of protest. She just went to sleep. Does anyone know how amazing that is? Anyone? Seriously, I think I’ll be getting some sort of medal or something.
An old man disapproved of what he clearly thought was my permissive parenting style at the Souplantation today. Ummm, bite me little old grumpy man. You don’t know jack crack about the way I parent and unlike you I don’t see my child having fun as a sign of bad parenting. And hello, THREE of her grandparents were around the table and they weren’t concerned so just piss off, Wilber! You don’t have the right to do the “bah-humbug” hand wave and tell me that my child was going to get hurt if I don’t control her. Unless you're the one planning on hurting her it’s none of your DAMN business. Grrrrr.
Time for bed.
May there be no centipedes or bunny body parts in my bedroom. Aho.