claustrophobic

Am hanging out in a funk lately, overwhelmed by all that is happening with growth and curiosity, dragged down by this cold that will not end. I slept for several hours today in the middle of the day, groggily accepting Anya when she needed to nurse, tucking her into the crook of my arm and sleeping with her nestled in, mouth working at milky dreams and hands stroking my bare skin in an almost motherly way. I feel weighed down and restless; trapped after weeks without any solitary moments. Anya senses my mood and clings to me, afraid I’ll take flight and disappear, making me feel even more desperately needed and claustrophobic. I don’t want to need time away to be healthy. I don’t want to be that mother. I’m suffocating under “should’s” and the intangible dream of what a good mother is and does. I just need some time alone or with some like minded girlfriends.

Thank goodness that tomorrow night is my stitch and bitch where kids nor husbands are allowed.

How do you get your time alone? How do you feel like yourself when caring for everyone else?