There’s something I’ve been putting off telling you all. But if I’m going to do this, I’m going to have to have to trust that you’ll all still love me after I confess. Are you ready?

Hi. My name is Elaine and I am now a Tupperware Lady.

Well, actually, I’ll be selling Tupperware under the name Mrs. Bitsy Bunting. She throws Tupper-tini parties (gets her guests smashed on Martini’s and then sells them a ton of plastic crap). She’s a 1950’s housewife. She eats a lot of pills and is a little kooky. She’s going to make a killing, no?

I got the idea from Dixie Longate, the former college roommate of a friend of mine who just happens to be one of the top sellers in the US. I’m not going to tell you too much about her, it’s more fun if you figure it out on your own. In any event, Dixie and I have had some fantastic phone conversations and I have signed up to be one of her bitches sales reps. So if you need anything, just let me know.

And now? You can all start making fun of me and my plastic crap.

Anya takes notes

Here Anya and I watch the training DVD in fast forward, giggling wildly at the chipmunk speach and jerky movements. Anya, of course, takes notes.