Dear THE UNIVERSE,

Hi!  Remember me?  You should because clearly you're trying to tell me something.  See, every time that Mark goes out of town some huge thing happens with my home that must be remedied immediately.  Last time it was the carport thingie flipping over in the wind and trying to sail off  through the neighborhood.  Dismantling that monstrosity resulted in being thrown into a tree when a particularly strong gust of wind pushed the canvas against my precariously perched-atop-a-ladder form.  That was fun.  Before that I'm pretty sure it was rain coming in through the library ceiling and a treacherous trek across a very wet and deeply slanted roof.  Also good times.

Today?  Today it was the fifth swarm of bees in three years.  Most of those swarms have appeared when?  You guessed it, WHEN MARK WAS AWAY.  Some how you seem to find it amusing to make me, the chick who has been deathly afraid of bees since she was tiny, deal with all of these bee invasions.  Nice touch by putting the swarm between me and my children.  That's always fun for me; thanks for that.

It has been suggested to me that you, The Almighty Universe, actually have a purpose for this ongoing onslaught of trials and tribulations.  Today a friend suggested it was The Universe trying to tell me that I am a strong and capable woman who can take care of things even without a man around.  But see, I already knew that.  I even said so with the whole ROOF INCIDENT.

So what's the message here?  Is it that this house is always falling down and I just notice more when I'm the only one here to take care of it?  Is it that you're trying to make me fully appreciate my husband so when he screws up next I'll just be grateful he's home?  Is there some scenario in my future where I must deal with a leaky roof under a run away carport while being surrounded by a swarm of bees?  What's the plan here?  If there's a lesson I am clearly not getting it and think you should maybe change your tactics.  I'm thinking I would be more apt to learn whatever this lesson is with puppies and chocolate.  Maybe a nice day at the spa would help open my mind?  You are, after all, THE UNIVERSE so I'm thinking you can come up with some form of teaching that will actually get through to me. 

For now, can we lay off the dramatic lessons?  Just for a little while?  I'm feeling all tuckered out.

Regards,
Elaine

PS I hear you've been beating the crap out of a certain celebrity named Britney.  Now, I'm not a huge fan but I think we can all agree that girl needs a time out.  Maybe you can arrange for that?  See what you can do. But do my thing first, m'kay?