the big-bad emotional day

Yesterday was one of those days.  You know the ones where one emotional hit comes after another and by the early hour of 9am you find yourself screaming your voice raw into a pillow?  You know.  One of those days.  I burst into tears in front of the girls and Anya climbed hastily onto my lap saying, "No, Mommy.  NO.  Stop it!" and wiping at my eyes with her sleeve while Lily burst into her own set of sobs and ran from the room.  Nothing like a little trauma for the girls on a Thursday morning.

And the thing is, the emotional hits were both good and bad so you'd think they'd cancel each other out in the ability to cripple me in front of my kids.  Not so much, it turns out.  But by the end of the night I knew the following things:

1. Our mortgage is killing us.  Not going to talk about this.

2. My husband is an amazing man and will be starting next week in a new, brilliant job that will fulfill him and happens to be at the same theatre where his BFF was just named head of the lighting department.  For me, this means a huge change regarding my life and career and I'm not really ready to talk about that here.  More later.

3. It doesn't look like I'll be attending BlogHer this year.  This I'm going to talk about.

3a. Childcare: Mark's new job will not allow the flexibility of his time we've so enjoyed over the last couple of years.  Taking off for a long weekend just a month and a half after he starts his new gig just won't work unless we can find a way to get the kids covered.  I'm not sure how to do this.

3b. Money: The panel that I was to sit on at BlogHer wasn't accepted.  Totally reasonable.  But that means no free conference entrance and no help with the airfare.  And with my previous hotel buddy no longer able to share her space (again, totally reasonable), I don't have somewhere to stay.  It's just more than we can put together while dealing with the crushing evil that is our mortgage. 

If it were just one issue, I think we could figure it out, but with both of those, I can't find my way around it.  Someone suggested I just drive up but with the price of gas what it is, it works out to almost as much as a plane ticket.  Last year was a huge disappointment for me, not being able to go at the last minute.  This year I never bothered to get my hopes up not wanting to get them all dashed again.  Still likely contributed to my big-bad emotional day.

Despite all this, I am deeply pleased and proud of Mark for getting this gig.  He's going to be in charge of a really extraordinary project and get to work at a really wonderful theatre where so many of our friends are (I used to work there as well).   I can't wait to see how this pans out.