On the way to the park with the girls this morning I found myself in the grumpiest of moods. The Bitchy, she was trying to get out and I didn't have enough chocolate to tame her. Before I knew what I was doing, I had turned into the Starbucks parking lot and was unpacking the girls. I have a little rule about Starbucks: I don't get to stop unless I have my own cup. Period. No exceptions*. Apparently The Bitchy doesn't play by the rules. So there I was, ordering a soy chai with an extra pump of chai and trying not to growl too loudly at my kids while feeling guilty about my disposable cup. The Bitchy? She was crowing that she'd gotten her way.
We had fun at the park. Got a little burned when I realized that I forgot sunscreen, but the girls threw themselves into play and mostly ignored me... which was good for everyone. Friends met us there for playgroup and I got to hold a wee tiny babe, reveling in the fact that he burped so loudly in my ear he had already made it half way through his fraternity rush.
Getting into the car to go home, however, The Bitchy got out.
"Mama? Do you have my sunglasses?" Lily asked.
"What? Did you leave them at the park? We can't go back! What did I tell you about taking care of your things? Geeze, Lily, that's like the third pair you've lost and what do you think, we can just go get another pair? Or that they'll be there when you go back? You have got to learn, Lily!" I'm afraid I went on for a bit, never letting her interrupt me even though she had something to say.
Finally she stopped me, "MOM! I gave you my glasses."
I reached into my bag and found them immediately, right there at the top. "I'm so sorry. I was wrong."
"And I was right."
"Yes. I was wrong and you were right and I can't believe I spoke to you like that. I am so very sorry."
"I was right! And you? You were WRONG!"
"Yes, Lily. Sometimes Mommy and Daddy make mistakes."
"Yes, Bug. Even Daddy."
Some days are just like this, I suppose. And others are full of just the right play and sunshine and beauty to keep these days grounded. But oh, how I have to remember to not let The Bitchy take over. And oh, how very hard it can be some days.
*It's perfectly acceptable for people to bring me a tasty drink in a disposable cup. I always welcome that. Just can't go into the store and buy one myself. I'm betting you'd call that an exception? The Bitchy says, "BITE ME" to that.