The grass really IS always greener


The girls spent the night at my moms last night and I had a whole 24 hours without them.  I don't do that very often and while it started off really lovely, I quickly grew tired of the lack of small people at my feet.  I had to work all day so had asked my mom to keep them a little longer than we originally planned as working with them around is like trying to swim while carrying an elephant on your back.  Regardless, I was just missing their faces. 

When they are with me all the time I crave time away.  When they are away for more than a few hours, I just want them back.  Someone, it seems, needs to work on living in the moment.

But oh, the sunset I returned to!  I stopped at the top of the driveway  to fetch the mail and turned around to find this fiery beauty slipping away to the west.  And then when I drove down to my canyon home, I found these beautiful sunshine faces just waiting for me, peering up through their little mops of curls and giggling while demanding that I read them books.  We rolled around in the bed together, tickling and talking and me showing Lily my latest bug bite, a big red circle about the size of a dime raised up on my hand.  We read and cuddled and I sank into their warmth, not wanting this sun to go down yet. 

I go away.  I come home.  I fight for silence.  I crave their laughter.  I need them.  I want them to leave me alone.  I can't live without them.  

How can parenthood be such a jumble? And how do you live in the moment instead of fighting for that bit of grass, way over there?