The girls spent the night at my moms last night and I had a whole 24 hours without them. I don't do that very often and while it started off really lovely, I quickly grew tired of the lack of small people at my feet. I had to work all day so had asked my mom to keep them a little longer than we originally planned as working with them around is like trying to swim while carrying an elephant on your back. Regardless, I was just missing their faces.
When they are with me all the time I crave time away. When they are away for more than a few hours, I just want them back. Someone, it seems, needs to work on living in the moment.
But oh, the sunset I returned to! I stopped at the top of the driveway to fetch the mail and turned around to find this fiery beauty slipping away to the west. And then when I drove down to my canyon home, I found these beautiful sunshine faces just waiting for me, peering up through their little mops of curls and giggling while demanding that I read them books. We rolled around in the bed together, tickling and talking and me showing Lily my latest bug bite, a big red circle about the size of a dime raised up on my hand. We read and cuddled and I sank into their warmth, not wanting this sun to go down yet.
I go away. I come home. I fight for silence. I crave their laughter. I need them. I want them to leave me alone. I can't live without them.
How can parenthood be such a jumble? And how do you live in the moment instead of fighting for that bit of grass, way over there?