At this point the chance of me actually getting to go to BlogHer seems to be good (thought that last year and then Mark got Appendicitis two days prior, so not promising anything). This means I'm getting a wee bit nervous that I'll be standing in the corner trying not to cry while all the cool kids have a brilliant good time. Sparks and butterflies decided that the answer for this worry was to lay it all on the table and just fess up about her idiosyncrasies now, before she actually meets anyone. Sounds like a brilliant plan to me and so here's my own list:
1. I think what I'm talking about is really important. Especially when I've had a drink. If I suddenly start repeating my point (however vague that point may be) just repeat it back to me; I'll assume you've got it and shut up. For about five seconds.
2. I have what's called Auditory Processing Disorder which means that in noisy rooms I have a lot of trouble deciphering what people are saying. If you notice me staring intently at your lips, it's because I'm attempting to read them. Oh, and don't try spelling something out loud to me or rattling off a phone number. I can make it work, but too often it's like you release the letters or numbers, they fly across the room doing a little cha-cha and by the time they reach my ear they've gotten themselves all mixed up and out of place. Awesome, indeed.
3. I have a lot of gray in my hair and am currently doing battle with color or no color. Leslie says to keep it be since I'm all earth mama and natural, I should just embrace the realness that is my gray hair and move on. I'm struggling with this issue more than you can imagine. So if you see me fingering the locks of hair at my temples, I'll be your best friend if you either say, "WOW! You look amazing with gray hair!" or, "I love the color red you went with, it's totally natural looking on you!"
4. No, I'm not pregnant. My belly just looks like that now. No, I don't do 100 sit-ups every night. Go away.
5. I bite my nails.
6. I currently don't have a place to sleep at BlogHer other than a friends house who is 30 minutes away by bus. There's a good possibility I'll try to sleep on your floor. Or in your tub. Just tell me no.
7. If I'm nervous I will be desperate for something to read. If you don't want to talk to me, just hand me a pamphlet or book, then walk away quickly. I'll be fine.
8. There is nothing glamorous about me. I like comfortable shoes, jeans and tee shirts. I don't like skirts, dresses or heels, have one tube of lipstick to my name and almost never wear make-up. I manage to own the whole Butch thing without actually being a lesbian. That said, I clean up beautifully and if you want me to come with you somewhere fancy, just be very clear about what I should wear.
9. I have no delusions that anyone actually knows who I am. I'll just feel really lucky if two people do the girl scream when they see me.
Anything I should know about you? Share it in comments or link to your own blog so I can get the skinny before the gig. Here's hoping nobody in my family gets ill in the next couple weeks!
Totally forgot to add this obligatory, "its not you, it's me" disclaimer: I'm terrible with names. Really, bat-shit crazy bad. I will likely just call you Jenny, because then I have a pretty good chance of getting it right. Seriously though, I once had an acquaintance whose name staunchly refused to stick in my brain. I admitted this to her and apologized (again) and she grabbed me by the shoulders, got right in my face and loudly said, "GINA, GINA, GINA!"
I have NEVER forgotten her name again. See? I CAN learn. But it may take you yelling in my face.