Welcome to TWO!

My friend's daughter just turned two and I thought I'd take this time to share with her some thoughts on what she may like to focus on during her reign of TWO.  Feel free to add your own advice in comments.

Dear Sophia

YAY for TWO!  You'll love it, I swear.  Two is when you get to perfect your "NO" and your various forms of passive resistance.  Also?  Great time to work on your tantrums.  If your parents just mock you while you kick and scream don't just give up like Lily and Anya did.  NO!  Your parents LIVE for tantrums! SO JUST KICK HARDER!

Also a great time to assert your independence.  Don't forget to take the dogs for a walk while Mommy and Daddy are sleeping.  If you can't figure out the leash, just loop it through their collars a few times and then wrap securely around your own neck.  It works great!

Many true artist find their groove at two.  I envision a floor painted in yellow; with eggs as your medium, you can make a brilliant expression of your innermost thoughts on the kitchen floor.  Walls also make a delightful surface for your art.  Crayons, make-up, and Sharpies all make excellent materials for wall paintings.  Slightly damp toilet paper (wet with your own pee if you can't reach the sink) gives paintings depth, so make sure you throw in clumps here and there.

Why don't you take this year to perfect your cooking skills?  Mixing is so much fun when you get to fling the flour all over the place.  Slightly wet sugar makes a lovely paste to smear all over the kitchen cabinets and doubles as a snack on when you're desperate.  As a bonus, it confuses the parents when they see you licking the wall.  The oven is fun to play with as well, full of buttons that are likely now in reach. 

The potty will become a mortal enemy this year and you must never let your guard down.  Don't let those crazy parents convince you with their happy faces and kind words that the potty is a miraculous place.  NOPE.  The toilet has one good use: washing your parents favorite items.  Make sure you pull the handle for a thorough cleaning. 

Overall, you'll find two to be one of the best years of your life.  Such a shame you won't remember much of it.

Lots of love,
Lily and Anya's Mom