Amazing things have been happening at the Wannabe Hippie house. These children of mine? They just keep becoming more and more awesome. The little one has turned seven since last I posted and, not surprisingly, learned to fly shortly thereafter. She's strong and sensitive and lovely and strong willed and smart and difficult and expressive and won't take the world for any less than she deserves. It's amazing to watch her grow these days as each day brings me someone more complex and unexpected.
Lily turned nine while we were in Northern California and spent her birthday with new eyes, giving me these looks into what comes next. She's brilliant in her strength, quietly overcoming her fears and growing more and more confident with each day. She's just wrapped up her first ever week at camp where she learned to kayak, paddle board, sail, and came home each afternoon full of sun and sand and stories about life without a parent at her shoulder. She is so sensitive to those around her, so willing to look inside their motivations and dig down to what causes their responses. She has full taken to heart my talk about what motivates bad behavior: fear of not being loved, included or accepted by those around you. She examines emotion like a deeply committed scientist and sometimes gets a little of that experiment on her sleeve, tears slipping out over the smallest of things. Remarkable, this child.
Meanwhile I'm practicing my badass moves, trying to figure out what kind of mother my girls need as they get dangerously close to their tween years. I can't find my path so much of the time and I see them watching, trying to figure out how they'll be like me and how, dear God, how they will NOT be like me at all. I'm also struggling with a new-found food intolerance. Dairy has been problematic since I was first a nursing mom, but now it's downright hostel. Then gluten came by and wanted to get in on the fun and my life has been a balance of learning and feeling sorry for myself. But I am swimming laps, running when I can, eating simply and trying to figure out my track, all while desperately avoiding the pitfalls of eating when a food (that is everywhere) now gives you crushing migraines and roving joint pain. I don't feel like a badass, but I can act like one on camera. And I suspect I can find my way there if I can just figure out what to have for dinner.
We are strong, powerful girl-folk. Or, at least, we are trying to be. And that's OK with me. Sometimes just pretending to be is close enough. Before long I may really learn to believe it.
I miss you. What are you all working on?